Grief touches all of us at some point. It’s something we don’t choose, but it changes the way we see the world. Many people think grief is something we “get over” — a wound that heals and disappears with time. But in reality, grief doesn’t end.
It becomes part of us, and over time, we grow around it.
Grief is the natural response to loss — whether it’s the loss of a person, a relationship, a home, or even a version of ourselves. It shows up in different ways: sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, numbness…emotions that come and go sometimes even relief. All of these reactions are valid.
And grief doesn’t follow a straight line. Some days we might feel okay, even at peace — and then, without warning, something brings the memories flooding back. A smell. A song. A familiar street.
That doesn’t mean we’ve gone backward. It just means the love is still there.
We Don’t Move On — We Grow Around It
There’s a model I love called “growing around grief.”
It describes how, instead of grief shrinking over time, our lives expand around it.
In the beginning, grief feels like it takes up everything — every corner of your day, every thought, every breath. But slowly, your life begins to make space for other things: laughter, work, new experiences, connection.
The grief doesn’t go away; it just becomes one part of a larger whole.
And sometimes, the same memory that once brought tears starts to bring warmth, or even a quiet smile.
Not because the loss hurts less, but because you’ve learned to live with the pain — not against it.
Why Rituals Matter in Grief
Rituals are one of the most healing ways to carry grief.
They give us structure when words fall short.
They remind us that our relationships don’t end just because someone is gone — they simply change form.
A ritual doesn’t have to be elaborate or religious. It can be something small and deeply personal:
-
Lighting a candle.
-
Cooking their favorite meal.
-
Listening to a song that reminds you of them.
Looking at the sky
-
Visiting a meaningful place.
Rituals help us express what our hearts already know — that remembering is part of healing. They transform grief from something private and heavy into something shared, honored, and witnessed.
Día de los Muertos: A Celebration of Life
In Mexican culture, there’s a beautiful example of how ritual and remembrance can bring light into grief: Día de los Muertos, or the Day of the Dead.
During this time, families create altares (altars) filled with photos, flowers, candles, food, and favorite drinks of loved ones who have passed. The air is filled with color — cempasúchil flowers, music, laughter, and the smell of home-cooked meals.
What I find most powerful is that Día de los Muertos isn’t about mourning — it’s about celebrating life.
It’s about remembering that love continues, that memory connects us, and that joy and sadness can exist side by side.
In many families, there’s music, storytelling, and laughter mixed with tears. It’s a reminder that grief doesn’t have to be quiet or lonely. It can also be vibrant, connected, and full of love.
This celebration teaches us something that psychology also tells us: we heal not by letting go of those we’ve lost, but by finding ways to keep them close.
Creating Your Own Rituals
You don’t have to celebrate Día de los Muertos to honor your grief in meaningful ways.
You can create your own ritual of remembrance — something that feels authentic to you.
Maybe it’s writing a letter.
Maybe it’s taking a quiet walk and talking to that person in your thoughts.
Maybe it’s lighting a candle each year on their birthday.
The goal isn’t to erase the pain, but to give it shape — to create a space where love and memory can coexist.
Rituals can also help calm the nervous system, lower anxiety, and bring a sense of connection — both to others and to yourself.
And as the holidays approach, when many people feel the absence of loved ones more deeply, these moments of remembrance can bring both comfort and grounding.
A Gentle Reflection
If you’ve been carrying grief, I want to remind you: you’re not doing it wrong.
There’s no “right way” to grieve.
There’s no timeline or finish line.
Grief is love that’s learning how to live in a new form.
And the fact that you still feel it — that you still remember — is a sign of how deeply you’ve loved.
So maybe this month, you can take a few minutes to honor that love.
Light a candle. Tell a story. Listen to a song. Cook that favorite meal.
Let that person — or that chapter of your life — be present with you for a moment.
Because remembering doesn’t mean you’re stuck in the past.
It means your heart still knows how to love deeply, even through loss.
Grief is not something we move past. It’s something we carry with tenderness — and over time, we grow around it.
And maybe, in that growing, we discover that grief and gratitude can live in the same space.